Riku’s Survival Guide
by anthony neglects his meds
Summary: the title says it all
1. Chapter 1

**Riku's Survival Guide**

**By: **Who do you think wrote the story?

**Disclaimer: **I own the foundation of the future site of the Riku's country, but I don't own the citizens yet. laughs

**Note: **I am the REAL Riku

G'evenin' ladies an' gents, this is ya cap'in speakin'. T'day will be our very first encoun'er with wat we down und'a like ta call "highschoo'" Well ok... mayba ev'ybo'y calls it that... but for a mat'r of fact... I'm not rea'ly down und'a like you might think. I'm simply a schoo' part'icipant who's been practicing the Brit'ish acc'ent. So now that ya'll know that I am cap'able of fooling ya, I'll start to talk like we do down here. (Not that it's any better) Ok, back to talking to you like the real me... I'm going to try to put together a nice highschool guide for you nice people so that when some random dude walks up to you and kicks you right dag in the shin you know how to react. I will be walking you through the meaningless predicaments that bake your potato and just plain piss you off... with examples. Fine I'll tell you the truth, I am gonna make you listen to how my school days go from good, bad, to worst. But did I make you feel all good about yourself when you thought I was making a story just for you? I thought so. Anyways if you ever read the titles of what you're... reading (duh-huh) then you should know who I am and what I'm capable of. If you're one of those brain dead wannabes who pick random stories and read them just to fit in with the more popular and better looking () social standards... STOP READING MY LIFE YOU DILUTED FREAK!

HINT ONE: the first day of school is the most important time to make a great impression. So, you should always try to wear nice, clean cut, designer branned if possible, clothes. But since Riku isn't as rich as people might think I am... I will wear a nice silver shirt with a pair of khaki pants to go along with it. Now for the difficult part... finding them. -.- So... where would be the best place to find these items in my room. I would usually say the closet but... I'm a boy, and guys don't really believe in closets. NO! Ok... let us begin in our search. Not under the bed, in the dresser, on closet floor. Where could it be!

"MOM! HAVE YOU SEEN MY KHAKIS!" I'm now desperate.

"YOU PLACED THEM IN THE LIVINGROOM THE OTHER DAY FOR SCHOOL!"

Oh yeah! So now I must run to the livingroom... but first I must race myself! Ready, Set, GO!

—–————LATER—————— 

AH HA! I win! I was almost two feet behind me when I crossed the finish line! Your pitiful small minds wouldn't be able to comprehend the significance of what I just said. But anyways... I see my clothes! They have been ironed and neatly placed on the side of the couch. Ok... I didn't do that part. I'll thank mom later. Well.. Now to dress... I know you are just DYING to hear step-by-step how I clothe myself... but that would be a bit odd.

—–————LATER—————— 

Ok I got clothes on. HINT TWO: where you sit on the bus is also important. The people who sit on front of the bus are usually geeks, lazy, and have little self-esteem. (If you sit on the front of the bus... I'm just kidding they're the nicest people in the world... DON T HIT ME!) The people who sit in the very back of the bus are usually loud, obnoxious, jocks, and the ones who think they better than everyone else. (Again... DON'T HURT ME!) So, my hint is to grab a seat towards the middle and more so to the back than the front. Unless your like me and usually have an assigned seat behind the bus driver, then it's ok to sit there... because you have no choice anyways. I think I'll wait until the last second to run to the bus stop... and they would wait for me even if they were pulling away because... I'm Riku remember? So like I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me, (GAH!) I am NOT, LET ME REPEAT, AM NOT, EGOCENTRIC! Hey lookie the bus is pulling in. Now for my super sexy ninja dash towards the bus. What? Didn't you know I have been secretly studying the ways of the ninjas? Ninjutsu is the name! I will be the next Sasuke. Anyways... bus.. Right... RUN!

—–————LATER—————— 

So I missed the bus... big deal... it's not a cool place to be anyways. But it's a heck of a lot cooler than to be dropped off in front of seniors by your MOM. Oh gosh... she's gonna do it to... just leave me in front of them to be beaten the first day. They're gonna throw me down Freshman Hill already! I must do something.

"Mom... Uh... my class is on that building." Our school is made up of buildings A-G.

"Oh hunney, I thought you said C-Building was were your home room is?" She's looking at me.

"Um.. Did I? I thought I said Kairi's home room is on C-Building?" Please buy it!

"Oh. Sorry dear... It's too early. Which building is it then?" With that she's turning the wheel.

"Uhm..." I gotta think of a building far enough away from seniors... and anyone else. "Just drop me off on G-Building" I'm gonna have a L-O-N-G walk.

—–————LATER—————— 

She just dropped me a G-Building and now's the fun part. I have been planning this since she turned the wheel. I am about to attempt my very own marathon. I shall call it... "The Riku Dash." Hehe... I think I shall hurry before class starts.

—–————LATER—————— 

HINT THREE: Don't lie if your afraid of being beat up and/or fighting someone in the early school year. When your afraid... tell whomever your with you don't feel well and need to go home (not recommended) and when you don't wanna get in a fight... then be a little nice sometimes you rude, rude person you!. Hehe. Anyways... I'm gonna go ahead a meet my new classmates. I'll talk to you again whenever I see it most fit.

—–END–— 

You know I love the little lines that run from one side of the page to the other... it's just so fun to do. Ya'no! I do. I always know what I'm talking about. Didn't you know that? I have too much free time... For example look at figure 1-2 (a.k.a. the later things) Anyways... review... blah blah blah... or else... blah blah blah. Larc 'En Ciel is a great band!


	2. Chapter 2

**Riku's Survival Guide**

**By: **ME !

**Disclaimer: **I claim Kat only! MINE! pulls out sword and swings violently

**Caution: **Story may contain events that my cause brain trauma and internal bleeding

So... noone interesting in that class. Such a shame. But... I did find someone interesting today. She says her name is "Yuna". She's got multicolored eyes. Like a dog I had when I was younger. But other than that fact, she seems really cool. Yeah... I think... I shall... Ask her on a date! But to where? Hmm... movies... yes... the movies. But now is the matter of getting her to go with me... but then again she will say yes because, well, I'm Riku remember! How would she be able to decline? So now the tip for getting a date...

HINT FOUR: If you have a crush on a girl/boy and you want them to go out with you... be strait forward. Don't stutter or hesitate just let it out fast before you obtain cold feet.

If you sit there drooling and don't say anything, they might think that your either obsessed with them or just brain dead. But in my case... I am asking a girl, my self esteem is high, I'm adorable, cute, and... I could keep going but... remember want I said in chapter one? _flashback So like I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me, (GAH!) I am NOT, LET ME REPEAT, AM NOT, EGOCENTRIC! end o' flashback _So I wouldn't want to lie or anything right? So anyways... she's putting her things into her locker and is looking Oh so alone... if you exclude the goth and the hyperactive blonde around her that is. I think their names where...meh... I forgot so they weren't that important. So... here I go.

"Hey Yuna." Oh yeah... didn't even have to think about it.

"Umm..." What is she doing? Why is she umming? It's really not that hard... all she has to do is...

"Who are you again?" WHA!

"I'm Riku remember?" Silence

"In your second period class...?" Still silent

"I sit next to you?" -.-

"... Oh hi my name is Yuna!" Why is she trying to shake my hand!

"I know what your name is that's why I said 'Hey Yuna.' Do you have Math third?" Desperation!

"Yeah with Mr. Wilson. Do you have that class with me too?" She's already making spittle but not enough to disgust.

"Yeeeeeeep." I look like Sora... you know with the hands behind the head and his eyes closed?

"Good, maybe we could get to know each other better so I don't forget who you are next time." -.- ...and we were doing so well too.

"Okay sure. Wanna walk with me? ... because I'm not sure which way to go and..." That's me talking

"Sure... but I've only had a few days extra practice so I might get lost too. Just don't be shocked" Wow that was talent... she said that AND giggled at the same time. I think I'll clap.

"What are you doing?" Whoops... I did that for real didn't I?...great...know she's confused. -.-

"I was... er... seeing... if I could get... I mean CLAP loud enough to... ehh... get you... YOUR... attention?" Smooooooooth Riku, way to bring them all home. -.-

"You're funny." WHA! More giggles? Now she reminds me of Kairi a bit... (I still love you Kat... but sometimes...hmmm . just kidding hun)

"Okay then" After that giggle... what am I suppose to say? 'Oh you remind me of a annoying redhead slut that you haven't met yet since you're new, but let me tell you about her HUGE head and tiny neck!' (I got too into that sorry \)

—–————LATER Bitches—————— 

So... math... algebra... teacher... hot chick next to me... her two friends from earlier next to her... the annoying girl in front. THAT'S RIGHT! I got a class with the twig-necked-red-haired-whore! Luckily for me, Yuna's here to make it all better. 0 I can't wait till lunch though. I knew I had to do it up right, so I brought a piece of pie and a...Yuna's talking hold up!

"Yes?" Isn't it great how my full attention just snapped to her at the sound of her voice?

"We were wondering..." We: Yuna, Paine, Rikku.

"How about you sit with us at lunch little Riki." THAT IS NOT COOL! Paine will suffer.

"Hey my name isn't Riki... it's Riku."

"That's cool! My name is Rikku too!" -.- These people have lost their mind.

"No Riku... One "K" so it's four letters instead of five." Five is an odd number... and Rikku is an odd person... so it all works out perfectly.

"Don't worry about how it's spelled Riku," Yuna... "just say you'll be there and we'll save you a seat." Wait... wasn't I out to ask her out?

"Okie dokie then... I'll be there." SCORE!

—–END–— 

YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU PEOPLE WANT A SECOND CHAPTER! I was going to just leave you peoples hanging off the bitch of a cliff everyone loves (like at the end of the first Lord of the Rings) but NOO "Ryoko" made me write another chapter with Yuna in it... so what the hell! Put the other two in it too eh? Well... don't review... I'm afraid of what insults you people might throw at me. I'm fragile P -ish...like a glass cup I broke this morning


End file.
